I hit on her first. Realized she was my best friend Finn's little sister second. And got a bloody nose third — compliments of Finn after he watched me nearly score with the new underclassman. After all I did have a reputation on campus, word on the street was that a girl could orgasm within one minute just watching me eat Lucky Charms. You can't make this stuff up — even though it was at least four minutes and included outside circumstances. Ahem, I digress. Point is, not only did I earn the attention of the worst sort of girl for me — my best friend's only sibling — but now she's out to seduce me. Me! One of the most famous Pleasure Ponies of them all! I can't shower — she follows me to the bathroom. Literally. I can't sleep — Lucky me, she lives in the same dorm. And I can't focus on anything except for her taunting eyes every single time something goes her way. I want her, but I don't want her to know I want her, and I definitely don't want to die before graduation, which is looking more and more likely considering we can't keep our hands off each other. Something's gotta give, and I have an inkling I should probably start writing my eulogy now because that something is probably going to be me.