What do Confucius, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Descartes, Siddhartha, Hobbes, and Judge Roy Bean have in common? Obviously not much. But meet Mike Miller, Messenger Extraordinaire, the man with the tightest lips in America. After dropping $40,000 on a philosophy degree and bagging three years worth of groceries, Mike finally found a use for all those seers. Twenty-eight years ago he let none other than John Gotti, the Teflon Don, set him up in the messenger business. Discretion required Mike to alias his clients after someone. While you're at it, say hello to Tuesday Miller, Texan beauty queen, TV journalist, and the love of Mike's tight-lipped life. Years ago Tuesday let a dying father talk her into marrying the messenger who refused to deliver Nietzsche's evil news. Everybody loves Tuesday, and yes, Mike means everybody. You couldn't fit two more disparate souls into a marriage. Tuesday's whole thing in life is talking, Mike's is shutting up. Tuesday longs for children, Mike runs in terror from them. Life's complications might befuddle Mike, but Tuesday lets a clear and clean conscience guide her. The only thing this couple agrees on? They are absolute nuts for each other. So why do they bicker so much? And why does Tuesday keep a divorce attorney on retainer? Mike has earned millions traveling the globe in his messenger disguise. Tuesday has earned some of the hottest TV ratings in Los Angeles. Life bumps and grinds along until Confucius pays Mike $15,000 to whisper sweet nothings in his dead wife's ear. After Mike delivers the message -- seriously! -- Schopenhauer trashes the Millers' beachfront trailer. Confucius ups the ante by $100,000, but then Bean leaps in and tosses the rules of civilized society out the window. Mike and Tuesday hole up with Descartes after a mystery driver runs over Confucius, then Siddhartha weighs in with a ponderous terminal opinion. In the end the Judge is the villain, but still Mike prevaricates. Tuesday forces the issue and finds herself strapped across the railroad tracks. Just before Hobbes drops his bomb, Mike is finally forced to choose between neutrality and a healthy wife. Who says philosophy can't be fun? Actually, a lot of people, but then they haven't read this book.